You can also see that this happens immediately on take off and at the same time Christian’s back foot is already flicking around behind him. It also helps to keep the nose of the board down, allowing him to lift the tail and get into the shifty position. This stops Christian from falling forwards and loosing his balance. To do this he has leant his head and shoulders forward towards the front of the board and this way the bar is mythically supporting his upper body. In Pic C you can see that as Christian has taken off he has literally rested his chin on his back arm and stares downwind. Getting your body into the right place once you get airborne will allow you to do what you like with your legs and board without loosing your balance. Thomas Gordon, author of several books, including L.E.T.
At other times you may find it necessary to shift back and forth from disclosing to listening several times. One shifting of gears (to listening) is often sufficient to help the other person vent her or his negative feelings. It does mean you recognize that dealing with the other’s resistance is an integral and indispensable step in getting your own needs met, that you value the other person and are interested in her or his feelings too. Shifting gears does not mean you abandon your needs or your convictions. It lets others know you’re not out to get your needs met at their expense. It communicates your sensitivity to (and interest in) her or him.
This temporary shift to the other person’s concern sets up a conciliatory atmosphere. But I’m willing to stop and listen to you, because I value you and respect how you feel.” S/he now hears an attitude like this from you: “Here’s what I value. You want to show concern for-and a genuine desire to understand the needs of-the other person. You now want to be sensitive to the other’s feelings. Therefore, as soon as you become aware of the other’s resistance, you should “shift gears.” After sending your I-Message you shift to listening to the other’s feelings from initiating to responding. Even though you send a very clear I-Message, if you fail to take into account the other’s negative feelings, you are in effect saying: “I want to be heard or get my needs met no matter what!” What they hear from you is: “This is what I want (or think), regardless of how you feel about it.” To increase the chances that the other person will hear your I-Message, you need to listen and acknowledge her or his upset feelings.Ī willingness to be sensitive to the other’s feelings and concerns is what separates assertive from aggressive behavior. It puts others even more on the defensive and stiffens their negative reactions to what you are trying to communicate. Reasserting your need or opinion in the face of resistance usually comes across as aggressive and insensitive. When you express your needs and opinions in I-Messages* and do get resistance, you will almost always defeat your purpose if you continue to repeat your self-disclosure.
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